Acts of the Apostasy say:
Producers of Oprah are negotiating with top officials in an attempt to push back the expected Second Coming of Jesus Christ – scheduled for May 21st – until after the final show of Oprah airs Wednesday May 25.
In what’s being termed “a monumental snafu of a scheduling conflict”, the television magnate is reportedly livid about potentially being upstaged by the man proclaimed by billions to be The Savior of the World.
And with good reason. The possibility exists that countless viewers and fans will suddenly disappear – having been “raptured” up to heaven – which would cause a serious decline in ratings. Several advertisers have threatened to pull their spots if the Second Coming can’t be rescheduled.
Many Oprah show devotees are conflicted. Corrine Defabligator, a 34 year old housewife in suburban Chicago, said: “I love Jesus, and I love Orpah too. But it would just kill me if I missed Oprah’s final show. I’m considering sleeping with my best friend’s husband tomorrow to guarantee I won’t get raptured.”
One of the producers, requesting anonymity, told AoftheA: “We’ve been planning Oprah’s final show for a full year now. Jesus has had what, nearly two thousand years to return? To me, it’s a no-brainer – push it off a week. It’s all we’re asking.”
Calls to Jesus and His production team for comments have not been returned.